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Asia

Seattle, WA

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Y’all think it’s hot now 🥵 wait til y’all go to hell for being transphobic and homophobic 😭😈 love you 😘

Fun Fact: I AM NOT STRAIGHT🌈Happy Pride 💗💛💙 from a very proud Pansexual💋

Happy pride month kids! Here to remind you that I’m not straight and I’d like to officially come out as non binary. My pronouns are she/they. Love you 😘😘😘

Dear 2022,

While I found myself at one of my lowest points in a long time you weren’t all bad and for that I am grateful. There were bright spots amongst the clouds and rain. I had fun. I cried. I felt like things were worth it. Some things were absolutely not. I’m blessed to know the difference. The gratitude I have for you is immense. I grew a lot and that is the biggest blessing.
Next year will be better because I’m going to make it so! I will carry the lessons I learned from you to 2023 and beyond.

Always,

Asia

Dear December,

It’s weird when you want so violently not to be here & yet worry about getting Covid or get sad about the ways your heart has been broken not once but twice in the time frame of a year. Why does any of that matter if I didn’t want to be here? I’ve circled about the question a lot and I’m certain it has more to do with control than anything. A lot of things in my life revolve around that concept, having things my way, & it’s destroyed me and kept me alive all at once. It also opened me up to be hurt in ways I didn’t know I could be. The illusion of being in control kept me in this cycle & I’m very tired.
I’ve officially been off dating apps for a little over 3 months now. My world is much quieter, less confusing & annoying. I mentioned my heart being broken; once by way of me ending a relationship that to this day I’m extremely grateful for & once by being ghosted by someone who was a 6’4” Virgo, afraid of love who left me with no warning.
I was still finding little pieces of myself on the ground. I cut my feet up a lot dealing with the shards before the idea of a broom came to me. December you were the broom. I decided to sweep myself up instead of picking up random pieces I felt were worthy. I’m still on the mend. Heartbreak is just the tip of what I’ve felt. There have been so many deaths in my family, so many health scares with my parents and even with me. I’m working through my ED, learning to accept my autism, & trying to not be swallowed by the thoughts of infinite suffering.
I still have a hard time making sense of this human thing. Not sure how this got to be so sad but I’m honestly the happiest I’ve been all year.
In January I was drinking myself to sleep almost every night and crying all day. Now I get up and face the things I don’t feel ready for knowing that I don’t have to be perfect and I haven’t failed myself. I’m just a human trying my best. There are things I think are truly worth staying on this planet for and I can’t say that from January to October I really felt that. So thanks for everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t more festive but I got you next year 😉

Always,

Asia

Dear November,

Thank you for carrying me into a new month. I found myself happy to be alive and witnessing the natural beauty of fall. The leaves are so beautiful and we even got snow! I found myself feeling grateful for not letting my emotions get the best of me in previous months. This month felt like a reward for not doing the terrible thing.
I survived the layoffs that took place at work yesterday and again I’m so grateful. I finished my application for grad school. For the first time in awhile I’m really looking forward to the future.
I got to stay on olanzipine! I’m really grateful for both my therapists and my doctor for being amazing and so thoughtful. I really appreciate the ways I’ve been supported in my decision to reintroduce and stay on medication for my mental illness.
I had some beautiful moments with friends and family. Gratitude is the recurring theme here but I really am so appreciative for everything that happened.
I’m hoping to set myself up for next year in December. It’s a lot of work but I’m ready. Thank you November for being the month I needed you to be. I felt held and taken care of. Heard. Valued. And happy.

Always,

Asia

“To me, we are the most beautiful creatures in the whole world. Black people. And I mean that in every sense.” – Nina Simone

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